Today was my big screening day at the Marsden and I had been concerned about having to lie down for the CT and particularly the MRI scan. This is because I haven’t laid on my back for 10 days now and have been sleeping (trying to – that is) sitting up with pillows. It’s just too excruciating lying in bed. I described it to the palliative care nurse today as the back pain you get when in labour – but constant.
Palliative – what a horrible word. Don’t like the word terminal either!
So I’m to take regular tramadol instead of saving it till night time and oxycodone as morphine doesn’t seem to work. Along with the other drugs I’ve started for the pain - diclofenac, paracetamol, pregabablin AND stuff to protect my stomach and keep my bowels working. 2 weeks ago I was just taking vitamins!
Unfortunately I am not eligible for the clinical trial because the marker for melanoma activity in my blood (LDH) is too high. It’s 426 where the trial limit is 400! So at least no MRI of the brain was necessary.
I get standard chemotherapy – dacarbazine and am scheduled to go back next Wednesday for the first infusion – and to have an MRI of my spine and discuss the results from the CT scan.
We keep telling ourselves – it’s meant to be this way. It’s for the best. Thankfully I’ve got Giles with me to point out all the positives. There couldn’t be anyone better to get me through this!