Tuesday, 19 January 2010
Another traumatic day. This morning was lovely. Was given a priceless "beautiful blonde book of fun" by my bestest friends in Hertford. It's hilarious. They're all posing in blonde wigs with not much on and has made me laugh a lot. Got to Sam's house this morning to see some of them but the pain has been full on and I've been popping oxynorm like sweeties! I started having to use the zimmer frame this morning because my legs were worse than ever. However it was after I had rested on the bed early afternoon that things seemed really bad. I can't walk anymore. I have no balance. My legs slide away from me when I try to get up. I'm wondering how much longer I'll have control over my bladder and bowels - I can no longer feel my pelvic floor and I'm pretty numb up to my waist! Dawn & Julie the district nurses have just been in and brought a load of incontinence stuff and catheters because I'm concerned I might go into retention tonight! They've also ordered some aids so I can hopefully be a bit more independent about the house. But I can't be in the house alone anymore. I've nearly fallen over so many times! They'll scan me again at the Marsden tomorrow but if it's the same spinal tumour growing again there'll be nothing they can do. We haven't faced that news before.