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Monday, 18 January 2010

Unfortunately the pain has got worse again over the last few days. We think its because I've come off the steroids so Giles has spoken to the palliative care nurse today and they're happy that I restart them. Apparently it could be the radiotherapy making things worse still but last night I was concerned that the tumour in my spine was growing again, that my legs were worse and that I'd have to go back into hospital. I had my "I don't want to die" breakdown between 12 & 1am when the oxynorm wasn't doing that much and poor Giles really needed to sleep! But when that passed I came round to thinking that I WILL find any how to live. I will always be fighting this.


Anonymous said...


You are a remarkable person with such positivity, and you certainly are staring the situation you find yourself in right in the face and you always come back with more fight, which is quite something. I look out for your blog updates daily and think about you and pray for you. For a few years I have been reading a book called 'The Secret', (maybe I shouldn't be telling you about it!!) and it is all about the 'Power of Attraction', which is exactly what you have been doing since you started your fight; sending out positive messages into the big wide world and what you receive back is also positive energy. It is very powerful and you have been doing it without realising. What I learnt most from the ups and downs I had last year with my health is that the body is far more resilient than you think. Trust that as you take each day at a time, that your body is doing it's job in the fighting process for that day and will lead to a better day the next and so forth.

I hope that the steroids will help relieve the pain and you have a better night tonight.

Never give up the fight and I know you have no intention of doing so. Just know, as I'm sure you already do, that so many people are hoping, praying and with you and hoping for the most happy ending for you and your wonderful family.

I miss seeing you at football, school and church. You were always smiling and glowing. I'm sure you still are.

Thinking of you


Dawn (Oz) said...

Katie, so sorry to hear that the pain is back. But good news that you'll be back on the steroids, which will give you the lift you need. I hope it gives you strength to know you have touched the lives of so many people in such an impressive way. Lots of love, Dawn

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Katie,

I think the posting by Nicki makes a lot of sense - the power of positivity is surprisngly strong. I know it's got me through lifes downs, and put me back on the path of the ups. Just relax and feel it all coming back to you from around the world, here it comes from Hertingfordbury!
Love Nicky Max and Aurelia xxx

Sara said...

Hi Katie,
I hope that the steroids are making you more comfortable now... and that you are able to get some good rest in.
I have had quite a few 'Why me?' moments myself over the years... I think that is only natural. Don't beat yourself up about it... I am sure that Giles would be more worried if you didn't have the odd dark moment. The important thing is to balance those moments with lots of positivity.
I received this message by email from one of my friends, but I am sure that it is meant for you: -

Hi Sara,
Happy New Year to you. I hope you have had a wonderful break.
I am very sorry to hear about your sister in law. Her blog is very heart warming indeed. I send you and your family positive energy throughout this fight.
My father was diagnosed with stage 5 Melanoma back in 1996 and was only given 3 months to live. He is still alive today! Positive thinking!
My heart and thoughts are with you always,

Hopefully that will inspire some extra good thoughts in your head today.
Wishing you lots and lots of big love and hugs, Sx

Marianne said...

Dearest Katie, last night I looked at a little video clip I have of you and Becky visiting me and Jonathan in his first few months. You're holding Jonathan and we are all laughing. It's so vivid. You're showing so much resilience towards those little cancer cells now and I wish I could bottle all my memories of our past and present giggles and give them to you as extra ammunition. Keep fighting, you know we are all with you and will do whatever we can to help you keep going.
lots of love and hugs
Marianne xxx

Anonymous said...

Dear Katie
There's a world wide healing circle with you in its thoughts as I write this ..& I'm sure my circle isn't the only one.

I read your blog with a huge range of emotions ..sadness, admiration for your strength, happy that you're home with your family ... but most of all with hope and faith that the love that is so evident from the comments you've received will support you through this difficult time and bring you the healing you need to beat this beast.
Love, light and healing from Brenda (Hare) xxx

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry things have got worse, but hopefully the steroids will sort that out. I'm sure you're allowed your breakdowns, especially in the middle of the night! But the important thing is that you keep coming back fighting. We're all behind you and sending lots of happy thoughts and positive energy in the hope that it will help.
You're doing so well - keep fighting!

Anonymous said...

I got so carried away thinking about you, I forgot to put who it was from!
Catherine Wakelin(Grainger)

pat said...

Dear Katie
So sorry the pain is back, glad your back on the steroids, hope they work very soon and you get a better night tonight. Prayers for you and your family. As mother and grandmother I pray for your Mum and Dad too. Keep positive and fighting.

Much Love Pat xx

annie said...

Dear Katie

We all love you and think all the time of you, Giles, the children and your mum and dad.

lots of love
annie x x x

Anonymous said...


Thinking of you all the time, you are amazingly brave.

Much love (and thinking shrink),

Suzie xx (from Sarnie Street)

Anonymous said...

Hi Katie

Reading your blog has made me feel so very positive about living life to the full. Funny as I found a picture of you the other day from the Goffs school skiing trip and you are on my 18th Birthday Party video. My dad has just been diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas. I honestly believe that positivity is the best medicine and that miracles do happen. I am sending you lots of thoughts and great energy. I will try to scan the picture in if i can work out how to do it.

Lots of love from Mel Switters xxx