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Wednesday, 28 October 2009

So I’ve signed for my melanoma to be tested. As its half term we took the children for our 10 minute hospital visit. I think that injects some realism into the situation for the team at the Marsden. The doctor looked particularly sympathetic. But then they all think I’m going to die in the next year! Will have to prove them wrong! Took the kids on a sightseeing tour bus afterwards, then tea at TGI Fridays, Leicester square, and finally to Hamleys.
Have been exercising as normal since knowing. Giles has the week off and we both did a 9k run yesterday. His first time running outside, and my 5th. 3rd gym session this week today and then took the children swimming. I managed to fall walking up the steps carrying Evie out of the pool. I’ve never done that before and suddenly my mind is telling me I’ve got melanoma in my brain, I’m not safe to look after the children and its all going to go downhill now. As a race we are problem-solving beings – trying to determine the outcome to a situation. My mind is often flashing forward to when I’m bedbound or the desperation my family will feel after I have died. This is my gut feeling – because I know the odds. No amount of positive thinking will suppress this. We can’t always be positive – we’re humans! However I have to remind myself that my gut feeling could be wrong. It’s been wrong before. No one can tell me 100% that I will follow the expected course for someone with Stage 4 malignant melanoma. If only we could slow time right down now. Make it last forever….


Sharon Day said...

Hi Katie
I hadn't read your site for a while, and had heard your most recent news from some of our good B and B friends. Have been thinking about you so much. After reading your updates, they made me sad and then made me smile. I don't think you are going to let anything beat you! Everything here is crossed Katie, you've done it before, so you can do it again.
Lots of love
Sharon (Day)
Ps 9k! Now that's showing off!!!

Jenny Crewe said...

Dearest Katie
Your card and story have just set me off. It must be so so hard to stay positive and not dwell on what may happen.
I am praying that you do all live happily ever after.
You seem so fit at the moment anything must be possible.

Anonymous said...

Hi Katie

It was lovely to spend such an enjoyable evening with you and Giles on Saturday - you look really well and I love "the coat"! I'm sure that your fall up the steps was just "one of those things", as you yourself say, we are all human, but taken in the bigger context has shaken you up but then you must remember you did a 9k run the day before!!! You have been such an inspiration to us all, so strong and determined and must continue to try and be so and only concentrate on the positive thoughts, enjoying life one day at a time, as we all should do.Enjoy the rest of your half term break.Love Amanda xxxxxx

Mum said...

Darling Katie,
Anyone who has shown such positivity, in the face of such a life-changing situation, is allowed to be negative sometimes!

As for nearly dropping Evie, I well remember Dad trying to bath you for the first time and he nearly dropped you; I was so glad I caught you on the descent: you weren't in the least bothered!
You have been doing so much lately that slipping on the steps is quite normal.

When I first heard that the cancer had returned again I said the title of the W.H.Auden poem, 'Stop All the Clocks', several times and I was very angry.
This isn't you. Your nature is sweet, kind and accepting but you have shown tremendous determination and positivity.
I can't tell you how many people have commented on this and how this attitude is so helpful to you, but also to others who know you, or others who don't but who read your blog.

You yourself said that you will go on 'living and loving every day'. None of us knows what is in store for us tomorrow and so the only way to live life is to embrace each day with the happiness and determination that you have shown by your example.

Once again I say how very very proud I am to be your Mum and I know that goes for Dad too!
All our love,
Mumxxx and Dadxxx

adrian fletcher said...

Hello you

Must be 12 years since we spoke and probably within that narrow radius of Cartwright Gardens which was home, for younger (and for some of us)thinner versions of ourselves.

Don't worry about dropping Evie; dropping kids is a common theme in our house amongst other mishaps, including 2 pulled elbows .This was a bit embarrasing (ever so the second time) when you're a doctor and your wife is a nurse and you trudge to A/E. So far we've avoided a Social Worker.

My heart sank like brick as your blog unfolded and some might be surprised that you don't have more bad days than you do.I for one are not surprised.I remember that smile and that bubbly student with an infectious laugh.Fate may have dictated a course for you but, if anyone can bend or even break its will, it has to be you.

Keep smiling,and if the Fletchers can help in any way.Please ask.Especially if it involves dropping kids on their heads.

Love Adrian,Lynn,Ethan,Jodie and Lily (woof-woof)

pat said...

Hi Katie, just to let you know thinking of you and all the family. it is so unfair and I know you will try your best to beat it
this. Love to you all Pat from work. xxx

Anonymous said...

Hi Katie, its so hard to keep darkest thoughts from your mind but I know you are not going to let them spoil the here and now. Remember that you are a fit lady - 9k and 3times to the gym in one week says it all. Focus on where your heart is - with your lovely family and you will find a way forward. Love from pam and Gary

Annie said...

Hi Katie

You are so lovely and reading your blog brings out so many different emotions...
What a wonderful idea to have a special family holiday. Sophie, Sam and Evie will be so thrilled.. expect Giles will be too actually.

The spirit is strong within you Katie, be brave and explore.

Any time you fancy a running partner... feel those endorphins

Lots of love
Annie x x x