If you want to send any photos from the party please send them to:
Thank you

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

So the new pain relief gave me a better night than the previous and today I’ve been trying to take it easy in the house – but it’s not easy with 3 kids – despite having my parents here this morning and Giles here this afternoon. I feel clumsy and have pins and needles in my feet and calf muscles. My brain can’t cope with the children’s screams and it’s hard for me to work out whether it’s the tablets or the cancer. I coughed up blood this afternoon and the pain is worse now even with the extra tablets. I’m scared about the speed the melanoma is progressing – that I won’t be able to keep up mentally with every new symptom. I’m afraid that the 6th Jan will be too late to start chemotherapy and there’s only ~15% chance it will do any good anyway! This is really, really hard! I don’t think positive thinking improves your outcome – it just means you find it easier to cope. In the end whether you survive cancer is all down to luck. There are plenty of positive people who don’t survive. None of us with cancer know instinctively that we’re going to live or die. We’re not special. We’re just normal people who have been unlucky. That until we were diagnosed just assumed that cancer happened to other people – not us. I still can’t believe it really – that I probably won’t live past 37 years of age. That Evie will not even remember me. She’ll just have photos.
So we all have to pray really really hard for a miracle.


Anonymous said...

Your in our thoughts and we are praying for you. Be strong.

Rob and Sharon

Celia said...


Hang in there. You and your lovely family. My thoughts are with you all.

Love Celia

Anonymous said...

Dear Katie

My intention was to write in reply to yesterday's entry - only to find a new entry to your blog this evening.

I just can't imagine how you went to the Marsden on Tuesday and then returned home to complete your blog.After a day of extreme adversity you have done so again.

Brave,strong and stoic you certainly are!

Its not everyone that has that special gift to utilise positive thinking as you are clearly able to do - so hold onto it and keep going with it.

All of your family are so proud of you, as will your children be when they are old enough to realise exactly how amazing,dignified and brave their mother is.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love Andrea x

Mum said...

Darling Katie,
If only you knew just how hard we've been praying for a miracle and we must not stop hoping that there will be one.
I know that it must be so difficult when you have all these symptoms now to be positive but you were today.

I want to re- iterate just how wonderful a daughter you have been to us and how, in fighting this battle, you have shown tremendous courage and bravery.
You also know that we shall never let the children or anyone else forget you and what you have meant, not only to your family but to a huge circle of friends.
Evie loves her 'Mummy'so much as do Sophie and Sam; they love to see the photos and films as we do: we all have such happy memories of who you are!

Keep up the fight, try to smile through the pain or at least get in touch with the Marsden to see if they can't bring the MRI scan on your spine forward.
I'll be with you tomorrow and every day you want me to be; you'll be for ever in our hearts my darling daughter.
All our love Mumxxx and Dadxxx

Anonymous said...


You find yourself in an impossible position. The hand of fate dealt you a bum hand. We all know that, and all feel the pains and anxieties that you have and that you express.

What you have shown over the last year and more is that you have inner strength and courage far beyond anything we knew or ever appreciated. When your circumstances change, as they have over the last couple of weeks, as inevitable doubts occur when setbacks happen you are showing ever more strength to deal with your adversities.

I know the signs are bad, but you have not started the Chemo. You must hope that you will be one of the chosen ones.

If lady luck evens itself out, the pair of Aces is now overdue. I know you are realistic, I know hope helps you cope, but most importantly stay positive, take each day as it comes and take your treatment looking at it as your recovery.

If there is anything we can do by helping out with the kids, let us know.

Robert, Julijana Noah and Farrah

Anonymous said...

Max remembers his grandad (my dad) very well and he last saw him before he turned two. He remembers everything he did with him, made for him and we are always talking about him and looking at photos. My dad made such an impression on Max that he remembers all this despite only seeing him for four 3-10 week periods. Evie will remember you for sure although I hope to God it doesn't come to that.
Love you loads. Really sad you are going through this awful time.

annie said...

Katie and Giles

Sending love and hope, and prayers to you both.

annie x x x

Sue M said...

I've just returned from holiday and read how much you are suffering and how brave you are being. My heart really goes out to you - I wish there was something I could do to help - please do ask if there is.
Much love Sue